Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Blessed me

I am truly blessed, and will be the first to admit it. I have a very beautiful, intelligent, happy and healthy boy.

I don't remember thinking about my "adult" life when I was a little girl, not like some others who had their wedding planned out before they were five years old, the husband shining brightly in their starry eyes by the time they were twelve, and a giggling little baby swimming in the ether of their fantasies while they were babsitting other people's kids.

Instead, I remember thinking of my high-powered, fast-paced life as a lawyer (god forbid), probably living in some other exotic country (where you ask? let's say Tibet, do they need lawyers in Tibet?). There were probably men in these fantasies too, especially as I entered that sexually-frustrated phase of my late-teen years, but no specifics ever really crystallized.

And as for babies, I can honestly say the thought never entered my head. I just wasn't the type to be awed by the googly-faced, drooly little monsters.

However, I guess a time comes for most people...after you've found that special partner...when you begin to think that you might have matured enough to handle parenthood (whenever think you've come to this point, please give yourself at least another two years...because trust me-you're not ready).

I have recently had the opportunity to visit my dear friend in the hospital, after she gave birth to her own second child...a beautiful baby boy. Since she gladly entered her second pregnancy, the questions began..."when will you have another child?"..."are you sure you're not ready for another one?".

Granted, some of the foregoing may have you believing that my convictions on the issue of children are somewhat wishy-washy, given that I didn't initially seem to want any. However, let's get something straight here...THERE'S NO WAY I'M HAVING ANOTHER BABY.

Don't get me wrong, I love Derek, and I wouldn't change a thing about him, and even if part of me thought sometimes in a small corner of my mind that it would be nice to round things off with a little girl, none of these feelings are strong enough to motivate me to actually go through another pregnancy, birth and the sleeplessness of early-babyhood.

I guess part of it is also due to the fact that Derek is now entering that amazing age of discovery, learning and progression that means we (my husband and I) have some more freedom again ourselves. For example, just recently Derek decided that he didn't need any help to maneuver down the stairs to the basement and turn the tv on so as to watch cartoons. Do you have any idea what this means to me? It means that if he doesn't want to spend time in the kitchen with us while we're getting dinner ready in the evening, he can do things by himself now, and I don't have to put up with whiny, cranky Derek (although this rarely happens, because he loves to "help" in the kitchen, which naturally means that crockery gets broken almost every time).

At first, it's kind of a letdown, let me tell you, to know that as each day passes, your child "needs" you less and less for those mundane things, and that soon he'll be moving out with his tongue-pierced, pink-haired girlfriend, and skipping his classes to get drunk in the afternoon. But then it really penetrates, and you realize that you can have a life again, and that even planning things to do with your child gets easier, because he can be involved in so many more activities.

Some may call me selfish, but I'm good with life the way it is now. I was never big on change anyway.