50 Reasons No One Wants to Publish Your First Book
1. Being innovative doesn’t justify writing a Civil War epic entirely in texting slang and emoticons: “ts u hor! i dnt gv dam :< !”
4. Where are the vampires?
5. No, seriously, where are the vampires?
27. You know the talented creative writing professor who told you your work showed so much creativity and promise? Turns out what he really meant was that he wanted you to blow him.
32. Just be thankful they refused to publish it, since the common accepted response to a novel that ends with the protagonist realizing all the terrible things that happened were in a dream (or was it?) is some stern re-editing of your face with a pair of brass knuckles.
38. For the first 20 pages, everyone who reads it is certain it’s the funniest book they’ve ever read. Unfortunately by the 21st, they finally realize you’re actually being serious.
41. When writing erotica, you want to avoid graphic descriptions of acne, cellulite and back fat.
44. If you’re going to make your main character a forensic coroner, you’re obligated to know more about human anatomy than what you learned playing Operation as a kid.
47. The entire point of your book has already been more satisfactorily made in a single strip of Family Circus.
On the heels of this post, I came across the following recently as well, all of which relate in some way to doing what we can to find our niche in the book business with the economy floundering as it is (I'm all serious today, folks)...
At BookEnds on Monday, Jessica Faust was talking about the increase in query letters and submissions due to the economic slump and how it isn't just the unpublished who are flooding her desk with paper these days, but published authors who have found themselves not quite making the cut in these slimmer times and are being forced to reinvent and start again.
Which brings me to the #Queryfail on Twitter, which I believe was orchestrated by FinePrint agent Colleen Lindsay, but involves many editors and agents, including Angela James of Samhain, and Deidre Knight and Elaine Spencer of the Knight Agency. This is a sometimes hilarious, sometimes useful, sometimes horrific recounting of failed queries, but if you have the time and energy to scroll through, there are quite a few gems of good advice.
Will 2009 be the Year of the Ebook?, that was the question being asked at epapercentral.com this week. I found this to be a very good article, and encourage you to take a gander as well.
Yesterday on Writer Unboxed JA Konrath was talking about self-promotion, because let's face it, if your book is out there and you aren't Stephen King or Sherrilyn Kenyon or Kelley Armstrong (who actually does a lot of her own promotion too), then the legwork is all up to you.
With that in mind, my friend Maria Zannini recently had a terrific post about the relevance and usefulness of getting a book trailer made (or even doing one yourself).
Join me on Monday for my guest author Kate Hill, and on Thursday when author MJ Fredrick will be dropping by to visit. Have a great weekend everyone!
6 comments:
LMAO on the list of why a book hasn't been published. Seriously, where ARE the vampires?
BTW... I think Stephen King is one of the best promoters out there and he works constantly at it. Is there a writing magazine out there that he hasn't written an article for? Is there a newspaper on the planet he hasn't had an interview in? The man is a marketing machine.
You're absolutely right, Kimber. No wonder he's my idol :)
That list of 50 things is hilarious. I picked it up from Jennifer Jackson's blog, another agent.
#queryfail scared me, but informed me the same time. I read the sub guidelines several times before I think of subbing and I check out the agents current authors.
I like the smorgasborg of link you had today. Thanks for the shout-out, JK!
A little bit of everything, just fo you :O)
You're giving Nathan B. a run for his money this week. :) Off to read queryfail...
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